Learning That Rest Is Productive: Rewriting a Trauma Response

“Why Do I Always Need to Be Doing Something?”

That question ran on a loop in my mind just last night.

I’d spent hours reworking client edits, trying to move my online store forward, juggling deadlines and designs—and still, I felt like I had done nothing. Like I had wasted the day.

And then the shame crept in—the warmth in my body, the tension, the guilt. I felt like crying. I felt like a failure.

When Rest Feels Unsafe

It’s taken me years to understand that this response—the panic, the drive, the guilt when I slow down—isn’t laziness or just being “bad at relaxing.”

It’s a trauma response.

When you grow up in chaos, or in a home where love was conditional and tied to achievement or compliance, rest can feel dangerous.

Maybe you were praised only when you were productive. Maybe you were made to feel like being still was lazy. Or maybe rest was never safe because there was always yelling, pressure, judgment, or worse.

I now know that my own childhood abuse and neglect wired me to associate rest with vulnerability. That’s why my nervous system still spikes even on a calm Saturday when I’m “supposed” to be off.

How I’m Unlearning the Hustle Wound

Therapy has helped me begin to unpack this. Especially EMDR, which showed me how early memories of being criticized, ignored, or overworked still live in my body.

But healing doesn’t mean the feelings disappear. It means I can recognize them and respond differently.

Here’s what’s helping me unlearn the hustle-as-worth lie:

1. I Name the Story

I remind myself, This is a trauma response. It’s not true.
I literally say: “I am not lazy. I am safe. My worth is not tied to what I do.”

2. I Ground Myself in the Present

Sometimes I put on one of my own shirts—like my “Rest is Productive” tee—as a physical reminder.

Other days I use grounding tools:

• A warm cup of tea

• Taking my dog for a walk

• Sitting outside with no phone

• Placing my hand on my chest and saying “I am enough.”

3. I Choose One Thing to Stop

I ask myself: What can realistically wait?

That small pause rewires my urgency. Because the truth is—rest today often means better clarity tomorrow.

From Survival Mode to Self-Care

This brand, Self-Care Shirts, was born from this very tug-of-war.

On the days I couldn’t rest, I drew. I created affirmations I needed to hear—like “You Are Enough” and “Self-Aware & Slightly Unhinged.” (Because healing can be messy and funny, too.)

Wearing these mental health and self-love T-shirts helped anchor me in truth. They weren’t just products—they became daily rituals—little self-care gifts from me to me.

You’re Allowed to Do Nothing

If you’re reading this and feel like you're never doing enough, let me say it clearly:

✨ You are not lazy.
✨ You are allowed to rest.
✨ You are worthy, even when you’re still.

This work—healing childhood trauma, learning to rest, trusting that we are enough without proving it—is hard. But it’s sacred. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Want a Daily Reminder?

Check out the Rest Is Productive shirt—designed during one of my own spiral moments as a way to bring myself back to center.

Let’s unlearn hustle culture together, one breath and one shirt at a time. 💛